End It All
Frightened, she grabs a knife and hides behind the kitchen counter.
It keeps happening, but this time I am not dreaming. I know I am not.
She starts pacing trying to remember her past. The reason why she sought Benny’s help in the first place was because of her nightmares and the voice she hears in head telling her to end it all. It was a familiar voice.
The therapy did work fortunately. She has not heard this voice for the past two years, until today.
End it all.
End it all.
She remembers the trick Benny taught her years ago. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath in and imagines her mum, someone she barely remembers. End it all.
It did not work. It usually works.
Annoyed, she heads to the door and opens it wide. She notices that her neighbour’s door was open too. She brushes off the incident thinking that perhaps the kids were playing. It did not make sense but it was the most rationale conclusion to make. It can’t be a ghost.
She falls asleep on the kitchen floor and wakes up with a throbbing headache from the lack of sleep. It was 7am and she decides to skip her usual routine and head to work earlier instead.
Since she was early, she goes for breakfast at the café below her office where she bumps into her colleague, Arif, a third year associate. He joins her at her table and they both begin talking about work and the new e-filing procedure that was introduced by the court and the whole confusion around it.
‘Not sure why you’re complaining when it’s us who has to do it anyway’ Aisha tells Arif off.
‘Vini almost made a mistake that could have got us into trouble with our Ipoh clients’ Arif complains. ‘Could you please assist her? We cannot afford to lose this client, especially with the current plan to start a firm up north’
‘Sure. I’ll guide her.’ Aisha responds.
Arif was right. With the firm’s current plan to start a firm in Penang, we definitely cannot afford to make mistakes like this.
Her day at work goes on as usual. Alex looked stressed, probably from the breakup and the expansion plan which kept him busy.
Instead of heading home after work, she calls up Sofea to ask if she could stay over at her place as she was afraid to go home that night.
‘Hey, I was thinking of calling you’ Aisha feels a little excitement build up in her. Maybe now that Sofea is no longer in a relationship, there’s a chance that they may date, officially, bearing in mind the societal pressure about same sex couples. ‘Maybe it’s not the best time to meet now, or anytime. Alex and I are working things out and I think we should stop seeing each other.’
‘Oh I understand. Sure.’ She hangs up and felt her hands tremble. Her heart was pounding; her breath, shallow. She thought she was having a heart attack but she knows what this is. It has happened before. End it all.
‘Hi Benny, can I meet you. It happened again.’